Cover Design by Najla Qamber Designs

Cover Design by Najla Qamber Designs

 

torn excerpt one

I shouldn’t have been comparing Amy to Hannah, but the more I thought about their similarities and differences, the more I realized I was more attracted to Amy than I was to Hannah. Maybe Hannah was too familiar, there was no mystery there anymore. But I was still learning more about Amy every time we were together, and I liked that. I wanted that. I never knew what she was going to say or how she was going to react to something. There was room for growth. I’d been waiting for something like that all along, and didn’t even know it.


torn excerpt two

“Hannah, can I talk to you for a minute? Alone?” Marcus asked but didn’t even wait for an answer before he took off in the opposite direction and out the sliding glass door.

I stood up and slowly walked to meet him, not looking at anyone as I did. I didn’t want to see what they were thinking. I felt like a child being chastised for being bad. I knew I hadn’t done anything wrong, but it was hard not to feel like it when I knew I’d disappointed Marcus, and we hadn’t even talked yet.

I walked out the open door, slowly sliding it shut behind me. He was standing in front of the pool, which was now covered, with his back to me. He stared straight ahead, so I just stood by the door, waiting. I had no idea what this conversation would involve, but I knew I should be worried.

“Please tell me you didn’t sleep with him, Hannah.” Marcus still didn’t turn around as he spoke.

“Do you want me to lie to you about it?” I sighed as I said it, not wanting to beat around the bush. He whipped around to stare at me, slightly angry, but looking a little hurt as well.

“Why?”

“Because I wanted to? Marcus, I’m not even sure why you think any of this is your business.” I had no idea where my sudden confidence came from, but I needed to hold onto it. Otherwise, Marcus would tear into me even more, I was sure.

“The day you met him? Really?” His face scrunched up in worry and confusion as he spoke.

“So what if I did?” I folded my arms over my chest and huffed. I was suddenly angry with him. Anger was good. I could stand my ground if I was angry.

“Do you realize what kind of message that sends?” He was raising his voice now, which only pissed me off more.

“What message, Marcus? That I’m a whore?” I tried to keep my voice down, but I could feel it rising with every breath.

“No, Hannah, you’re not a whore.” He wasn’t yelling anymore, but he wasn’t any less angry.

“Are you sure you don’t think so now? Because it sure sounds like you do.”

“That’s not what I’m saying, Hannah. How could you even think I’d think that about you?” He took a step toward me, but I stepped back, hitting the sliding glass door.

“Then what are you saying, Marcus? Because it sure sounds like you think I’m a whore now.” My anger was fading and I fought to keep it. I could feel tears forming in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall.

“He’s using you, Hannah.” I gaped at his words, but he kept going before I could say anything. “Sex on the first date? He knows he has you now.”

I couldn’t believe what just came out of his mouth. He thought Justin was using me for sex? How dare he! He didn’t even know Justin. And apparently, I didn’t know Marcus.


torn excerpt three

“When can I see him?” I turned around and interrupted their conversation.

“Immediate family only, right now,” Amy answered. “I only know what’s going on with him because a nurse took pity on me. We have to wait for his parents to get here to know more.” Her response upset her even more.

I wanted to feel bad for her, but I just couldn’t. I had a lot of emotions running through me right now, but sympathy for Amy wasn’t one of them.

Chad stood up and announced he was going to get some coffee and asked if anyone wanted anything. I shook my head. Erica stood up and said she’d walk with him and they left, leaving Amy and me alone. I continued to look around the waiting room, trying to avoid eye contact with her.

“Are you all right, Hannah?” Did she really just ask me that? I scoffed and turned to face her.

“No, Amy, I’m not. My best friend is in the ICU right now.” I turned back around when I was finished with my answer, but she wasn’t finished apparently.

“I’m sorry. I know how you feel.”

I could not believe she just said that. How could she possibly know how I was feeling right now? She had no clue. I whipped around to face her again, more angry than before. I stood up, needing to be up and moving.

“No, I don’t think you know how I feel right now. Not even close.” Amy opened her mouth to say something, but I didn’t give her a chance. “In fact, I don’t even know why you’re still here. You’re fine. You were released. You can go home now and let Marcus’ friends be here for him!” I was breathing heavy, knowing I should calm down, but I didn’t know how.

“Hannah!” I heard Erica behind me and turned to see her staring at me in shock. Not to mention the same look on Chad’s face.

“No, Erica, it’s fine,” I heard Amy say calmly and I turned to see her standing as well now. “Look, Hannah, I know you’re hurting. Who wouldn’t hurt being in your situation? But don’t you dare insinuate that I’m not hurting as well. I have every right to be here right now. Even more right than you do, if we’re being technical, seeing as you haven’t spoken to him in weeks!”

“Excuse me--” I started, but she cut me off.

“No, I’m not finished.” I just stared at her in awe. “I love Marcus. I am in love with Marcus. So, whether you’ve spoken to him recently or not is irrelevant. Because, while I know I haven’t known him as long as you, and I know we care about him in different ways, I still care about him. Period. So yes, I have every right to be here. I’m not going anywhere.” With that, she stormed off away from me. But I knew she wouldn’t go far.

I stood there, staring at where she had been standing before turning to look in the direction she was walking. Chad just looked at me for a moment in shock and then took off after her. Erica just stared at me. I looked past her to where Chad caught up with Amy and wrapped her in a hug by the elevators. When the elevator arrived, they both got on, and I continued to stare.

“Do you feel better about yourself now?” Erica said sternly, pulling my eyes back to hers.

“I…” I didn’t know what to say.

“I’ve never seen you act so selfish,” she said, shaking her head. I fully expected her to turn and walk away from me as well, but she surprised me by walking past me and taking her seat again. I followed.

“I don’t know what came over me.” It was true. I’d been mad and hurt that she was here, but I knew I wasn’t justified in those feelings. I couldn’t turn them off, though.

“I do.” I looked over at her, waiting to hear what she had to say. “You’re jealous and just got into a pissing contest with Marcus’ girlfriend. And lost, might I add.”